Champagne bottles and sparkling diamonds.

Sunday, June 08, 2008 ;

♥life's a game

I still keep getting envious at my girlfriends' boyfriends. Where does the problem really lie? Is it just me that expect too much? Or is it that he's not giving much? Where have all the surprises go, the fun times, the spark has just totally dimmed out of my life. There's no more excitement in the relationship, because it has been nearly two years, is it true? IF you have ever initiated break ups, does it mean the end of it? But I still cannot let go, and I don't know how.

Let me ask you. Let's say you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are still in love, and the relationship seems to have become more monotonous because it has been months or years together. Naturally either one of you would think that there's something that has to be improved, like you or her/him wants him to prove his worthyness and whatever criteria you want him to be or have. If your partner wants to carry on with you in life, he would decide to change for you or think of a solutions to add spark back to the fire, never ever initiate a break up with you right? Just where am I placed in his heart? I don't even feel the importance already.

He doesn't even bother reading my blog, and he rather tags at other people's blog. He rather goes out with his friends or play soccer, than to meet me. He doesn't listen to me, but listens to his friends. He treats his camera like a baby, and doesn't even allow me to bring it out. Talking on the phone is also tiresome for him. He don't even want to try new things, and only plays soccer. He doesn't even prioritize, and even studies are like a downturn. How to be successful in life if you are like this? Even Ah Bengs are smarter than him when they don't study. He can't even take the ups and downs of relationship, that he's tired and scared, who's the pussy, why should I even "keep" him. Someone so weak, that claims that he's strong, always contradicting himself.
Sending me home is nothing, is how much you put into the relationship and how far we go. If he fucking cares about this relationship, why does he not bother to do anything after I have told him so much?

When we go out, we always do the same three things; walk around shopping centres, eat dinner, go home. The same cycle repeats every time. If that's for any other day I suppose it's ok. What about say on a Birthday, or a Monthly or Yearly celebration? This is what we do; Walk around shopping centres, eat dinner , go home. YAY. So damn fun I could seriously cry. What did you plan? Are you sure you planned for a special day? Something that I would remember for life? Fucking No. It's just plain boring. I don't want to be a bored girlfriend. If I can think of so many surprises why can't you? Why do you only know how to say "Because I'm not made for surprises". Don't you have any creative juice? Do you only know how to play your stupid damn balls? I've had enough. DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE PLANNING OUR OUTINGS? Things like going Pulau Ubin together, night cycling, blah blah. Why is it so difficult? YOU KNOW WHAT. I could do all of these by myself. I'll just have to find my own khaki, than to bother and wait for you to bring me there. I should just start learning to stand on my own two feet and stop being so reliant and dependant. I think I also may need to get to know more friends, and have more friends to spend my SMS on.

Two years is nothing, I don't believe in forever anymore. I will never believe in him ever again, never ever when he always makes empty promises. I'd rather flirt, then be of loyalty to this kind of person. Think about it, I have more to lose than you do. Go and reflect.

I'm talking champagne wishes and caviar dreams.